just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
