at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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