I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
