I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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