A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
