i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I skipped work to stalk him.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
