One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
