if you like me you must not know who I am
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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