last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize