So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
