nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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