This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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