I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
