the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize