I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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