Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
