Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
