sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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