I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
