I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
