If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
