This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize