His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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