I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
