so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
