I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
