you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
