Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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