Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize