Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
