This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
