I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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