ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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