My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
