She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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