dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
