One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
