she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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