all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
