Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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