i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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