That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
