my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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