the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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