I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize