This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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