I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
