Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
