Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
