I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize