he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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