Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
