Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
