Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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