I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
