it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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