Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
