Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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