somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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