Will you blow on my dice?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
