So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like a drive thru vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
