he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
